Girl Gone Mad.

I've went and done it again. I've fallen in love with the unattainable. I've given my heart to something I cannot ever hope of having. This time, it's different. This time, it's ok. All he needs to be is a smile away and I'm ok.

We hold hands. We laugh together. We jabber, we vIRC. We talk about work, love, life, him, me. We watch movies. 4 movies in 2 weeks! A record for me. Madagascar, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Batman Begins, and A Lot Like Love. He puts his arms around me and tells me he loves me and although I know he doesn't, it's ok. It's very ok. Because he doesn't take away anything from me, instead he gives.

He gives me a reason to get up in the morning. He gives me a reason to walk lightly. He gives me a reason to smile. He gives me tummy aches from laughing too much. He gives me a reason to primp and dress up all girly like.

I know, mushy right? That it is. But grown up too. I'm not expecting anything from him but him. His presence in my life is what makes it livable. He thinks I'm cool. He loves hanging out with me. He doesn't ask for anything that I don't want to give. He doesn't ask, period. I just give. Not every little bit of me, but the bits of me that matter. My open heart, my smiling mouth, my listening ears, my warm hands.

And I know, eventhough his heart belongs three seats away from mine, I know that he has me in it somewhere. I know he thinks of me and that sometimes, sometimes, the thought of me makes him smile. And that is enough. That is enough because he is all I have ever asked for. A hand to hold, a constant in my life.

And although I've accepted the fact that he will never be truly, captivatingly, encompassingly mine, I remain ok. I remain hopeful. I remain his.

The Milkfish Will Rule The World.

My love for the bizarre has invaded my dreams. By love I mean obsession and by bizarre I mean ridiculously cute things.

Or maybe it was the pizza I had for dinner. Or the fact that I haven't been buying any toys since last month. But daaaaaaamn... my dream last night was just... well, weird will be putting it mildly.

It all started with me fighting with my mother. In itself, that wasn't weird. But the circumstances were. There was a baby, sleeping under a train that we were on and the train was able to pass without it getting hurt but my mom had to coochie-coo the tyke and his little onesies got stuck in one of the gears and he got hurt. Hurt mind you, not killed. Anyway, that led into a big fight that got me running away from her and joining this band of misfits that roamed the street.

So, there I was, roaming the streets when all of a sudden, a war of epic proportions broke. The humans against the milkfish. I shit you not. Apparently, the milkfish were just waiting, biding their time until they all formed this monstrous underwater whirlpool that sucked under everyone they chose. They sucked under a lot of people and just killed the rest that were left up top.

Well, we were part of the people that got sucked underwater. And when we came to, it was a sort of gigantic mall under all that water. And there were flying robotic vehicles above us that were shining lights on all of us, one by one. Suddenly, stores were starting to open. And they were filled with the most awesome toys! There were the usual food, clothes and all that typical mall stuff but EVERY store had awesome toys!

I was estatic! Some of my misfit brothers and sisters wanted to secure food and clothing first before we go crazy over the toys but did I listen? Hell of course not! WE'RE TALKING REALLY COOL TOYS!!!

So I zipped around the mall, going from store to store until I found a toy that I really really liked. Then I remembered that I didn't have any money. Well, I had money but that was back-up-on-the-land money and not under-the-water money. That didn't stop me though. I took the toy and waved it at the saleslady who was busy tending to some old lady who acted and looked like she belonged and lived there already. The saleslady didn't want to give me the toy but the old lady took one look at me and decided to give me the toy and in the process, give me under-the-water money!

So, I zipped around some more and found more stores with more cool toys which I bought! The neat thing about the toys is that they came with either candies or snacks. So I was securing toys for me and food for my fellow misfits. Who now also had under-the-water money that came from people who looked like they lived there.

Lastly, we came to this REALLY neat store with waaaaaaay cooler toys! So I bought me some cute robots, some cute weird plushies and because I was running out of money, I haggled with the man who was tending the store, who eerily looked like *Anjo Yllana. I bought food we could cook and in exchange, he would give me free toys. He agreed and we proceeded to pack the items inside really cool plastic containers that took the shape of whatever item you put inside it.

After all the toys and food were packed, I dug into my small purse for more under-the-water money. And because I was so excited about the toys, I mistakenly handed him back-up-on-the-land money. He took one look at it and reported me to the underwater milkfish police. (Which part of this is a weird dream did you not understand?)

The underwater milkfish police made me choose just one toy that I could bring with me before they send me back up on land. I chose this really cute robot that moved everytime you told it to and made beep-beep-beeping noises. After they saw that I had made my choice, they slapped something on my arm that made me go to sleep. When I woke up, I woke up.

And then I just had to rush online to write everything before I completely forgot about the dream.

Now, is it any wonder why I am craving to buy a neat toy?

*for you non-pinoys: Anjo Yllana is a local actor-politician