Indecent Proposals Et Al.

This week has been fraught with propositions, from friends and strangers alike. It's like I was wearing a shirt that says, "Immoral, Come One, Come All" or "All Roads Lead to Yaga" or "Open for Business, Monkey That Is." Geez louise.

Scenario 1:

I get online after days of being disconnected from the world wide web and what do I have waiting in my friendster inbox? A proposition from a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend. Toys for nekkid pics. Seriously. Who wants nekkid pictures of ME?? Except for Rich, my one and only studmuffin. Who would want to start or end their day worshiping the almighty porcelain god? People these days....

Scenario 2:

Small get-together at a friend's house. Potential boy was the host. I was busy trying to decide whether I should get sloshed or not when a girlfriend ran up to me and literally shoved a napkin to my face. On the napkin was this note, "nice rack. can i?" Oh lawd. So after I started breathing again, I asked my friend to point out the person who gave me the note. I saw him, we locked eyes and then I gave him the finger. Stupid git.

Scenario 3:

Lounging in bed. Minding my own. Phone beeped. Unknown number. The message said, "hi, got ur # fr ****, wnt 2 go out nd play?" WTF?!?! Texted *****, read him the riot act and told him to stop giving away my number to perverted schmucks.

I have NO idea why this is happening. I'm like... a schmuck magnet. By the way, potential boy got in napkin-git's face and told him to take a hike. My hero. Pfft. My life is fraught with assholes. Except you, Rich.

You, you can have nekkid pics anytime, all the time.

I'm such a dork.

It's getting harder and harder to get out of bed and care.

It Rhymes with Jeeves.

There are days when all I want to do is tear all the hair off of my head and run around in circles, cursing and giving people the evil eye.

Alrighty Then...

I spent the whole day cleaning and rearranging my room which was pretty clean and arranged to begin with. Basically, I threw everything out of their various containers, shuffled my furniture, washed the things that needed to be washed, then fluffed, polished and buffed everything else. I am, in a word.... ex-fuckin-hausted.

Every surface in my room gleams. Every plush toy, citrus-y fresh. I am one happy OC twit. My books are arranged according to favorites, then according to size. So I have about 5 different sets of arrangements. One on my desk and four in the book cabinet. I don't have shelves for my books. Just one ginormous book cabinet.

My shirts are all squared away, arranged according to color and purpose and my jeans are arranged according to denim shade. Anal, you say? Just about. Hehe.

I think I drove my kid crazy after the 12th time we had to rearrange my room because not everything was as symmetrical as I want them to be. But now that everything is as I need them to be, I am one happy clam. Until the next time I decide to reshuffle my room again. Which will be in approximately one week. Hah!

And this was all brought about by the fact that I have a new favorite toy and I needed to make sure that it was always accessible to me whenever I needed a little pick me up.

Like I keep saying... My world begins and ends with my toys. Sigh. I need more.

Tune in Next Time...

Men are such assholes. Every single one of them.

Except you Rich. You, I love.