Originally, I was just going to post a picture that best sums up what I'm currently feeling right now and just let sleeping dogs lie... but I've come to the realization that I've got to stop being such a wuss and just get on with it.
I don't know if what happened last night can be classified as an epiphany but whatever it is, it hit me like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden I realized that the reason men find it so easy to walk all over me is because I let them. All they have to do to keep me in check is to tell me they love me. One mention of those three little but dangerous words and I'm putty in their hands.
Why do people do that, you suppose? Why take the most beautiful phrase in the spoken language and use it to play with people's feelings? How can they take something that's supposed to be meaningful and turn it into a tool for wreaking emotional havoc?
I had a friend tell me that I'm guilty of doing this myself. True. In a way. I'm pretty much an I love you dispenser. They're like Pez candies and I'm freely giving them away. The one thing that I can say for myself though is that I mean it. Every single time I say the words, I mean them. I can mean them in varying degrees but the overall meaning is the same. I'm not making much sense, am I?
Whenever my friends and I sign off from our messengers, we say I love you to each other all the time. Girl friends that is. And I can go to bed knowing that they really do love me. They know what hurts me and they do their damndest to not consciously do anything that will disappoint or upset me. I revel in that knowledge. Saying I love you is saying, "I'm here, you can trust me not to let you down." Saying I love you shouldn't mean, "Eh, I like you... keep those nekkid pictures coming." Sigh.
Maybe it's the cold medicine knocking me brainless or maybe it's just my cursed low self-esteem but damnit... I've just about had enough.
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