Has Hell Frozen Over?

Something has happened to me two days ago that made me stop and reassess my life... Somebody who I never thought I would correspond with, let alone consider befriending, has chosen to be the bigger person and decided to bridge the gap that wasn't even supposed to be there in the first place.

God sure has a whacked sense of humor...

My innate paranoia is screaming to just ignore the messages and just continue with being blissfully ignorant of the truth but I've always believed in giving people second chances so... here we are... we're writing to each other and dare I say, becoming friends...

The upside is, I've finally let go of some of the misplaced aggression I've been carrying inside my heart for the last couple of months... the downside is, I'm finally realizing that I have been blindsided by love once again. And it hurts.

It hurts because, after everything that I've gone through for him, all I have to show for it is a broken heart. Oh, we're friends and all that but that fact does not make me immune to the pain.

Gah. It still continues to amaze me how women... SMART women, women who are normally dominant, independent and successful in their own right, would permit a man to demoralize, dehumanize and degrade them. It's just mind-boggling.

It pains me that women would rather fight over a man and waste precious time agonizing over whether or not they are the only one in a their men's lives or if they're one of many. And it continually surprises me that there are still women out there who choose to allow the men in their lives to step all over them than risk losing them.

I know this because I've been one of these women. There are times that I'm still one of these women. It's painful, heart-wrenching and shameful but it's the truth.

I live with this truth everyday.

To you, you know who you are... thank you for taking the first step in trying to bridge the gap that really shouldn't have been there in the first place... I really hope that you and I have grown from these experiences and have learned our lessons. And... seriously... I hope that this is a sincere effort on your part... because once I consider you a friend, you've got me on your side a hundred percent and then some... I'm just that kind of person...

Bleh... life is so full of drama, innit? :)

Prison Break Season 35

Naks. It looks like I am flying out soon. Hoboy, I can't wait. I need a change of pace and scenery and everything else in between. I'm getting antsy and I am literally jumping out of my skin every time my phone rings or everytime I open my email...

The new boy won't be so happy with me when this happens. Oh but who the eff cares? I really really really want to leave this godforsaken place. Ick.

I am done with letting the men in my life control every single decision I make. It's time I do things for me because I want to. Bleh.

I talk tough, 'no? I'm trying being actually tough too. Since the new boy is galivanting around Southeast Asia and since I haven't technically let him know that he is indeed the new boy, I'm gonna take advantage of this loophole and just decide for myself left and right.

Am I making sense? Hay.

Right now I am busy with walking around the freaking metropolis trying to get my affairs in order for the impending flight to freedom. Hehe. It's like planning a prison break without the actual prison. Or... yeah, whatever. I'm too tired to edit myself.

The holidays are looking bleak right now but once the new boy gets back and I get my gifts from the most scrumptious boytoy in the planet (this means you Rich...), then things will start looking up.

Also, I finally got the proofs from the photoshoot I had with a friend. He is SO freaking awesome. I look phenomenal. He is a GOD. Hehehe. It takes godlike powers to make me look the least bit presentable but he made me look... PHENOfuckinMENAL! I can't get over it.

Pictures will be uploaded to my flickr account soon. And the link will be generously emailed to everyone that I know with a few exceptions. I don't happen to like everyone I know so.... Heh.

Ok... I guess this is enough. Again, I'm too tired. And I still have to choreograph a dance for my friend. Right. Spread too thin? Methinks I am.

So... blahblahblah and all that crap. I'm out.

Miss Winslet Couldn't Have Said It Any Better...

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.

And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.

And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.


Damnit all to hell and back. Sigh.

By the way...

I'm getting three of these from my sweetie...

I love ya baby! Thank you!!

It's been too effing long

58 million years have passed since my last post. Whoa. Talk about shameless slothfulness. I have it in spades.

It's not that I haven't had any opportunity to blog for the past millions of years... I was just way too preoccupied with my quest to out-sloth the sloth. Boy, you should've seen me when I perfected the 24 hour lie in. No getting up except for 1 minute bathroom breaks. Seriously.

I think my head imploded from boredom after the 16th hour. But I forged on. Hell yeah. It's a wonder really that I haven't evolved into a slug after the 22nd hour.

Anyway, what has been up with me you ask? Abso-fuckin-lutely nothing. Nothing with a capital N. I have entered the catatonic phase of my life. I'm so immobile, I'm virtually petrified. And I'm not making an iota of sense. Pfft. You try being stuck in a rut for the last 58 million years, let's see what you can accomplish.

Seriously though, apart from trying to keep myself from slaughtering poor defenseless lizards, I've basically been writing and editing most of the stories and essays that I've written throughout the years. It's hard work I tell ya.

So, yeah, I'll maybe post some more when I get the urge. See you in 58 million years!