Long Time Coming...

It took me 13 days and 4 lifetimes to sit still long enough,
to slice open a vein and copy down the words
flowing out from the wound.

It took me countless heartaches and barrels of tears
to force myself to face the inevitable surrender
of ever finding bliss.

It took me 1 hour and 7 glances until I fell
heart over head, soul over mind,
reason over emotion, with you and your soul.

It took you one little word, one little action
to destroy 33 years of me.

It'll take me more than what time has to offer
to pick myself up
to hope once again
to love. To feel.


©CJ espiritu . July 14, 2005
8:49 PM

Richness. Truly.

He makes me happy.

Yes, he does.

I may be bitchy, whiny, silly, dumb and neurotic but he still stands by me.

He has the patience of a saint. I'm grateful.

Oh he's so gonna kill me.

♥♥♥

Like An Old Friend

Rain. The one single constant in my life.

It has always, ALWAYS rained on my birthday. It doesn't matter if the day starts out scorchingly hot, it will always be faithful and shower me with birthday raindrops.

It was storming when I was born. Half of Manila was submerged. It took my uncle half a day to get to the hospital to visit me and my mom. And I love hearing this story every time. It's like I have this special connection with the heavens.

I know I'm not the only person in the universe born that day but for me, I've always felt like it's raining specially for me. That the rain makes a special note in her calendar to come visit me during my day. And she has never failed me. Not once. Never.

Sure, sometimes she would bring earthquakes with her. Or a volcano eruption. But she's always always there. Soothing, calming, comforting.

I love the rain mostly because she loves me too.

Unconditionally.

Betrayal

... is the worst part of friendship.

Inetivably one will be betrayed, one will be left hurting. And that is always me.

To whoever showed him this blog... I know you did. I know when and how. The question is, why.

I hope you're happy that you've ruined what was to me, a great friendship.

And to you, dear sir... if you had thought that I would let my emotions get in the way of our friendship, you are wrong. I've never done that. Never will. Friends are more important than lovers or boyfriends or soulmates. At least to me.

Friends are my lifeblood. And because you chose to be shallow... you just took away a piece of my life.

I hope you and your assumptions and your massive stupidity will be happy together for the rest of your life.

Oh shit.

It has been one helluva shitty week.

Allow me to enumerate the reasons as to why...

1. We (the love of my life and I), went from inseparable to barely acknowledging each other's presence. Something happened and everything just went poof. Which is sad because I have come to look forward to spending my birthday with him. Well, not just with him... you know the drill. To say that this hurts like hell will be an understatement. The pain I'm experiencing right now is raw, gut-wrenching and extremely disheartening. This, ladies and gentlemen is the mother of all pain. Fuck childbirth. That's a papercut compared to this.




2. I have munglung. What is munglung you ask. It is very simply put, the most irritating ailment ever. You walk around feeling like shit, you have this HUGE motherfucking loogey stuck to the back of your throat that no amount of hawking, coughing or general throat clearing can get rid of AND you have NO sense of smell and taste. Not to mention the fact that this is quadruply irritating to me as I work in a frigging call center.... Extremely, extremely annoying.




3. I have the monthlies. And every stupid thing that comes with it. Nausea, cramps from the devil's ass, short temper, melodramatic episodes, emotion-powered tears... every single female thing!




4. I'm losing weight. Yeah I know that's a good thing but see, now everything I own looks extremely hip-hopperish when I wear them. And that's just icky.




5. My heart is hurting. It's hurting like Burt Reynold's toupee. :(

I want my mommy.

Seriously.

I have not posted in forever. And I promised myself I would not let this blog shrivel up and die like my love life. How pathetic is it that the person you're with is only three feet away yet you can't seem to reach him?

Eh. My love life is not blog fodder. At least not this blog. All pathetic love posts will be kept under lock and key over at LJ.

Lately I've been doing nothing but work my ass off for little or no compensation. Just for the sake of love.

Damnit.

I'll be back when I have something far less moronic to post.