Could it be I'm falling in love?

Here's something to pique your interest... although, the real story behind the picture is probably lamer than the christmas tree pictures. My friend and I were comparing how dark our skins are. Hehe. I keep telling him how much I love cozying up to him because I look shades lighter beside him. He doesn't mind. He lurves me. I think. :D

I think that's it. I'll post some more soon. Too cold in here. I think I already have frostbite.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like...

I'm still alive. Still kicking. Still breaking bones and taking names. Right.

Anyway, the holidays went by quickly. Not without its requisite drama in tow. Christ on airskates. I just couldn't catch a damn break.

I got a few new toys, a few new friends and a whole bunch of old family.

I'll stay mum about the holiday nookie though. Can't have the world knowing that. A girl is still entitled to a few choice secrets once in a while.

I'll post more pictures soon. I've got LOADS. In the meantime... on to the loot! This awesome awesome plush is from Rich, my very own studmuffin who, despite the many reasons to hit me upside the head, still loves me. The day I got my Micro Ninjas (he sent me 3!), was the HAPPIEST day of my life. And I kid you not.

I also got four of these bad boys. One big one from Marvin and three tiny ones from Herbert. Aren't I the luckiest bitch ever? My friends are just mucho awesome!

By the way, the enclosed picture is not of the actual toy. Click the image and it'll take you to where I got it. I'll upload my own pictures soon.

So there. I suspect I'll be blogging some more these next few days. A year end sort of thing. Yeah yeah I know... I never did post last year's year end thingy. So sue me. I never claimed to be NOT lazy. Hehe.

Ya-friggin-hoo!

My toys are FINALLY here!! About damn time, I say.


Richard!!! I love you!!! Thank you so much!!!


Now, get your butt over here so I can molest you good and proper!

Vheklanese uhlet. Kasi kilig akengkay.

Amfotah! Kinikilig akengkibelles! Umandar na naman ang pagkahaliparot potpot ko kaya ayan, may date-date-an akez bukas!

In fuhrnezz, mashogal shogal na rin akong wit nagmamalandi kaya parang pinagsanib na lakas ng taal at pinatubo ang pagsabog ng kakikayan kez kanina. Flirt kung flirt ang labanan! Walang atrasan na itu!

Kaimbey lang nga kasi dinner detdetan ang dramarama namin. Pormal wer. Pakshet. Sabi ko pisbol na lang eh kaso wirit feeling nung wafung mama na magpaka-skwaterrific effect kami. Ayan tuloy... mapipilitan akez magpaka-girlaloo. Hmpft. Kakati na naman ang buong katawan ko kasi kelangan maging pirmi and pahinhin jepeks. Ngar.

Kundi lang talaga alang-alang sa pag-iwas sa isang kapaskuhang malamig haaay... kasi naman eh. Kaya heto, magpapaka-kepay muna kez. Kunjari gelay. Kunjari may class. Wahahahaha. Taena wala lang muk-ap muk-ap ha? Pag may kasaling muk-ap, ayawan na. Lonli harts kung lonli harts. Wirit ko feel mag-muk-ap!

Grr.

The people at the post office are demonic, ass-licking, dumb as shit assholes who should be dragged out into the streets and shot between the eyes.

It's been AGES since Rotofugi sent my toys and I still have NOT gotten them. This Christmas is going to SUCK.

I swear to God, IF I don't get my toys this week, I'm going to march other there and torch the fucking place to ashes. With those demonic half-breed assholes inside!

No one will convict me. I'm positive.

I want my toys.... I can't be WITHOUT nookie AND without TOYS this Christmas.... that's just WRONG!

Somebody's going to pay for this sucky situation. Damnit.

A Fontastic Love Story (in Tagalog and Vheklanese)

Eto ang paborito kong font. VERDANA! Kung pwede lang pakasalan ang font, matagal ko nang pinasukatan ng traje de boda 'to. Yung maraming lace tsaka sekwins. Disco fever bride ang dating davah? Bagay naman eh.

VERDANA... sounds girlaloo talaga 'no? Pero, tabla na yan. Kiber nang girlaloo din akengkay. Laman tiyan din kung baga. Kasi ang VERDANA masarap pakinggan. Masarap din sambit-sambitin. Alam mo na kung kelan. (Tuwing jerjer... shunga.)

Eh pag COURIER. Sige, isipin mo nga! "Ooohh... Ahhh... COURIER..." Amfutah! Di ba nakakalurking pakinggan?

Try naman natin ang TIMES NEW ROMAN. Naknam. Bago mo pa matapos sabihin, nagyoyosi na siya. Masyadong mahaba diba? Eh pag naman pinaiklian mo... ang labas TIMES. Para ka namang nagbebenta ng dyaryo nun. Imbey.

Yung ARIAL naman sounds like Ariel. Pwede na ngunit, subalit, pantalong mong punit, kelan mo pa nasabi ang pangalang Ariel na hindi mo naiisip si Ariel Ureta? O kaya yung mermaid ng Disney? Mahalay di ba? Kung hindi necrophilia (sa mga ignorante, ito ang tawag sa aktong pakikipagtalik sa patay... diba patay na si ariel ureta? Patay na nga ba? Wit pa ata eh... hala...) ang bagsak mo, eh fish-love naman. Malansa!!

Wala nang tatalo pa sa VERDANA. Ika nga eh... "just right..."

Yan ang VERDANA ko. Erotic. Sexy. San ka pa?

Oo nga pala, kung nagbabalak kang agawin sakin ang VERDANA ko, umayos ka. Matagal na kami nyan. Forever love kung forever love and labanang itu. Till death do us part. Hanap ka ng ibang font para sayo. Balita ko, si HELVETICA, naghahanap ng dyowaers. Bagay kayo. Gusto mo ng nyelpon number nya?

Ito ay orihinal na kathang isip ni Rita Celeste Espiritu. Kung balak mong angkinin, at akuing iyo, tubuan sana ng pigsa ang lahat ng tighyawat mo. Sa singit. Hmpft.

Has Hell Frozen Over?

Something has happened to me two days ago that made me stop and reassess my life... Somebody who I never thought I would correspond with, let alone consider befriending, has chosen to be the bigger person and decided to bridge the gap that wasn't even supposed to be there in the first place.

God sure has a whacked sense of humor...

My innate paranoia is screaming to just ignore the messages and just continue with being blissfully ignorant of the truth but I've always believed in giving people second chances so... here we are... we're writing to each other and dare I say, becoming friends...

The upside is, I've finally let go of some of the misplaced aggression I've been carrying inside my heart for the last couple of months... the downside is, I'm finally realizing that I have been blindsided by love once again. And it hurts.

It hurts because, after everything that I've gone through for him, all I have to show for it is a broken heart. Oh, we're friends and all that but that fact does not make me immune to the pain.

Gah. It still continues to amaze me how women... SMART women, women who are normally dominant, independent and successful in their own right, would permit a man to demoralize, dehumanize and degrade them. It's just mind-boggling.

It pains me that women would rather fight over a man and waste precious time agonizing over whether or not they are the only one in a their men's lives or if they're one of many. And it continually surprises me that there are still women out there who choose to allow the men in their lives to step all over them than risk losing them.

I know this because I've been one of these women. There are times that I'm still one of these women. It's painful, heart-wrenching and shameful but it's the truth.

I live with this truth everyday.

To you, you know who you are... thank you for taking the first step in trying to bridge the gap that really shouldn't have been there in the first place... I really hope that you and I have grown from these experiences and have learned our lessons. And... seriously... I hope that this is a sincere effort on your part... because once I consider you a friend, you've got me on your side a hundred percent and then some... I'm just that kind of person...

Bleh... life is so full of drama, innit? :)

Prison Break Season 35

Naks. It looks like I am flying out soon. Hoboy, I can't wait. I need a change of pace and scenery and everything else in between. I'm getting antsy and I am literally jumping out of my skin every time my phone rings or everytime I open my email...

The new boy won't be so happy with me when this happens. Oh but who the eff cares? I really really really want to leave this godforsaken place. Ick.

I am done with letting the men in my life control every single decision I make. It's time I do things for me because I want to. Bleh.

I talk tough, 'no? I'm trying being actually tough too. Since the new boy is galivanting around Southeast Asia and since I haven't technically let him know that he is indeed the new boy, I'm gonna take advantage of this loophole and just decide for myself left and right.

Am I making sense? Hay.

Right now I am busy with walking around the freaking metropolis trying to get my affairs in order for the impending flight to freedom. Hehe. It's like planning a prison break without the actual prison. Or... yeah, whatever. I'm too tired to edit myself.

The holidays are looking bleak right now but once the new boy gets back and I get my gifts from the most scrumptious boytoy in the planet (this means you Rich...), then things will start looking up.

Also, I finally got the proofs from the photoshoot I had with a friend. He is SO freaking awesome. I look phenomenal. He is a GOD. Hehehe. It takes godlike powers to make me look the least bit presentable but he made me look... PHENOfuckinMENAL! I can't get over it.

Pictures will be uploaded to my flickr account soon. And the link will be generously emailed to everyone that I know with a few exceptions. I don't happen to like everyone I know so.... Heh.

Ok... I guess this is enough. Again, I'm too tired. And I still have to choreograph a dance for my friend. Right. Spread too thin? Methinks I am.

So... blahblahblah and all that crap. I'm out.

Miss Winslet Couldn't Have Said It Any Better...

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.

And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.

And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.


Damnit all to hell and back. Sigh.

By the way...

I'm getting three of these from my sweetie...

I love ya baby! Thank you!!

It's been too effing long

58 million years have passed since my last post. Whoa. Talk about shameless slothfulness. I have it in spades.

It's not that I haven't had any opportunity to blog for the past millions of years... I was just way too preoccupied with my quest to out-sloth the sloth. Boy, you should've seen me when I perfected the 24 hour lie in. No getting up except for 1 minute bathroom breaks. Seriously.

I think my head imploded from boredom after the 16th hour. But I forged on. Hell yeah. It's a wonder really that I haven't evolved into a slug after the 22nd hour.

Anyway, what has been up with me you ask? Abso-fuckin-lutely nothing. Nothing with a capital N. I have entered the catatonic phase of my life. I'm so immobile, I'm virtually petrified. And I'm not making an iota of sense. Pfft. You try being stuck in a rut for the last 58 million years, let's see what you can accomplish.

Seriously though, apart from trying to keep myself from slaughtering poor defenseless lizards, I've basically been writing and editing most of the stories and essays that I've written throughout the years. It's hard work I tell ya.

So, yeah, I'll maybe post some more when I get the urge. See you in 58 million years!

Ain't I The Snarky One?

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Must be because I slept on the wrong side last night. Gah. I'm all fucked up. My neck has this irritating crick in it, my arms feel like some steroid-pumping wrestler sat on them AND my eyes are bleary as all hell. All in all, not a good day. And it's only 11:20 am. Boy, am I in for it or what?

So... yesterday has been one heck of an emotional roller coaster ride. Serves me right for going against everything that I am. I went to church yesterday. Yep, you read it right. I went to church. Hoooboy... I'm telling you, I would rather play in traffic than to have a repeat of yesterday's shitfest.

You would think I've learned my lesson by now. You would think that by this time, I'd know better. But noooooooooooo...

Oy vey.

I am happiest when... I have no friggin' idea...

I've a lot of things to say... mostly about friendship and how compli-fuckin-cated it is. There are shades of gray... and even pink. Damnit. Nothing is just "as is". Everything is complex and one has to be well trained in reading between the freakin' lines just to stay afloat.

I've never understood why something so... BASIC should be so... COMPLEX. Why everything is more than meets the eye. Ch..ch..ch..ch..chuchew... (I suck at spelling sound effects...) No seriously... it's tiring maintaining friendships... it's a lot of work. Mostly, it's rewarding enough but Jesus Christ in neon leotards, most of the time it's just not fuckin' worth it. Yeah, I swore.. go... tell the bishop. GO. NOW. Before you become as WICKED and SINFUL as me. Tsk tsk.

Sigh. Yeah I'm bitter. Can't you tell? No? I know a grocery store that sells additional IQ points. You might wanna go and buy some first.

Anyhoo... alright so I'm bitter. I'm also spitting mad. No... I'm not actually spitting. That would be rude. And I'm not an alpaca. I keep digressing. Mostly because I'm still trying to compose what I really want to say.

And what I want to say is... uhm... (No Bans, I did not just give you the dirty finger... shaddap) What I want to say is that while it is HARD work to maintain friendships, the friends who are worth fighting for, who're worth slashing your wrists for, (Gawd, I hope no one asks me to do that... I have no plans of mucking up my beautiful beautiful tattoos in the name of friendship...) who're always there no matter what, who're on your side, regardless; those people make it all worth the crap and the tears and the effort.

I've a handful of real friends. A handful. Friends that have gone through the worst with me. Friends who've experienced being downwind when I passed gas and didn't care. (We all fart damnit, so do you... so don't even start...) Friends who despite the GINORMOUS list of reasons to hate my guts, still love me.

But because I'm not rich, not famous (infamous maybe... I'm the ULTIMATE Bad Influence... ), not gorgeous (pfft, if I was gorgeous, then I'd be rich, right? Like I said, buy some additional IQ already...) Anyway... because I'm not all that, I can't buy them houses and cars and fancy shit and all that other la-dee-dah stuff as my way of saying thank you for staying with me all these years...

One thing I can give them though, and I seriously believe it's worth more than 10 Bentleys or Jags... is my undying love. (Cue single tear falling slowly from right eye...)

I'm serious. I love them all. I love them enough that I'd do anything they ask of me. Like step back. Like come back to church. Like stop having sex (no... wait... ok... this is under SERIOUS consideration). Like parting with my beloved plush toys. I love them period.

And if that's not enough. Then it's not. When it starts being enough, I'll be here. Waiting. In the meantime... Ch..ch..ch..ch..chuchew...

And then there was you...

I love you. I really do. Thank you for coming into my life.

When I'm with you, I find my balance again.

When I'm with you, I crave for nothing more.

When I'm with you, breathing is so much easier.

What the heck took you so long? :)

It all comes down to this.

I don't know what to feel. I'm not sure if I should be flattered or pissed off or nostalgic. You all know how much I love to click on links. So, today, because I was bored, I clicked on some links. And it brought me to the multiply page of somebody I used to hang out with. Hell, we were bullshit buddies and then some. He knows every single thing about me... my dreams, my passion, my deepest fears... we were best friends. But life threw a curve ball and we're estranged now....

So anyway, so I clicked the link and I landed on his page. And of course you know that I'd be clicking on his page links like heck. I did and that's when the shit hit the fan.

I saw my poetry, my essays, my rants... on his blog... and all without any indication that I wrote them. He even changed a few things on one poem. Here's the link.

Ok, so he posted one story that's included in my book. That's something.... I think.

And it doesn't help that I miss him. We had SO MUCH fun together, it was criminal.

Bogart, damnit, I miss you.

Oh but wait, there's more.

Thought I disappeared off the face of the planet huh? Well not quite. I've just been really busy surviving and getting my crap all straightened out.

I'm still mucking about with THE boy. Although, there's a new boy from work I'm also sorta mucking about with. It's nothing serious. So far, we're just smoking buddies. And lunch buddies. And... life is too fucking complicated for it to go farther than that.

Also... new tattoos. Got 2 new ones. One's huge and the other's tiny. I'll get better pictures next time. So... 7 in all. The boy also got a new one. One huge ass dragon to complement his back piece. He's getting a tiger next. Like I said, you really can't stop at one.

That's a bunch of cherry blossoms going all the way down the inside of my left forearm. Hurt like a mofo when I got it done. The other one's a star. On the ring finger of my left hand.

What else... I think I lost my passion for toys. It saddens me that I don't have the desire to go look for itty bitty plushies anymore. Oh well. Maybe when everything in my life falls into place, I'll get excited about toys again.

I gotta scram. My tattoos are hurting like hell.

Place your ads here.

I'm taking a break from staring at Garver, Knoxville and Cook. Eyecandy. Yum. So sinfully delicious.

Actually, I'm online for a coupla reasons. I needed to check my emails, I needed my fill of eyecandy and I had to get out of the house before I go insane. I feel so cooped up already. Sure it was kickass to spend the last few days with the boy, just hanging out, watching movies, lounging about, making out like bandits and various other illicit activities, BUT, I was starting to get all antsy and I didn't want to wait for myself to start bouncing off the walls... so... here I am.

I also need to start scouting for new tattoo designs. I'm itching to get inked again. I'm an ink addict I know, but hey, once you start getting your skin poked and prodded and shredded for the sake of art, it's hard to stop. I told myself I'll stop after my last back piece BUT soon as Jeff was done, I was already thinking of the next one. Oooh that rhymed.

So yeah... the next one will be my last one.... until the next one. Haha. Seriously, I dunno when I'm gonna stop getting inked. Maybe once Garver carves one on me. Maybe then I'll quit. Or maybe not. It all depends.

I really should stop talking about my tats already. It's just that they look so ppurrrdy! I love them so much. Ok... this post is taking way to long to finish. I keep getting sidetracked by Knoxville. Damn him.

By the way...

Things that make you go mmmmmm...

I've been quiet, 'no? I've been mostly just hanging at home, with the boy. Again. Still. I told you we have the weirdest break-up. I'm not complaining though. Actually, it's been nothing but fun. Psychotic tse-tse fly notwithstanding.

It's hard not to be petty and childish sometimes, but Jesus H. Christ... I'm human. I gotta sling some in when I can. So... sling, sling. Done.

Right now, after one ginormous upheaval, I've decided to just chill. I'll start living soon enough. These days, I'm all about plainly existing. I'm letting the world revolve around me.

I got all I need anyway... at the moment... food.air.sexglorioussex. Yum.

I Love Pain

Yesterday I went and had my back tattoo retouched. The boy-slash-ex-slash-bestfriend came with me for moral support and we were approached if we wanted to "model" for a photographer who was compiling tattoo images for his exhibit... Hilarious.

My tattoo was still raw so I was a no go. We're waiting to hear from the guy if he's still interested in the boy.

After getting reacquainted with pain, we had lunch at Subway where he proceeded to decimate a Subway Special (I forgot the exact name) and because I was still slightly nauseated from the retouching, I only had a choco chip cookie. It was fun watching him eat though. Pigging out vicariously... jesus.

Then all three of us, me, the boy and my nauseating backpain went around the mall in search of new duds for the boy. He saw, he bought, he was happy.

We parted ways after that. He went home to romp around with his boys and I went to Kapalua to hang out with a few people.

Got home really late, cleaned off the tattoo, went to sleep.

The Vultures are Circling...

So the boy and I broke up. This is probably the weirdest, most pain-free break-up I've ever had in my life. There's just no bitterness whatsoever and we still see each other, we still talk to each other and... we still have wondrous wondrous sex. Haha.

Actually nothing has changed. Except maybe for the status of the relationship. Which really... is what makes this whole thing weird. I was told in no uncertain terms that I cannot go out with anyone else so I kinda told him the same thing. Well until my birthday at least. Gotta have me some birthday nookie.

Or maybe I gotta haul ass and start looking for a replacement. Damnit. I wish I worked that way. Truth of the matter is, I'm enjoying this... this... weird thing we have going. There's no pressure. There's no responsibility to remain faithful and all that other boyfriend-girlfriend crap.

Although I did tell him that once he starts seeing other women, the nookies with me will stop. I don't operate that way. I still refuse to be the other woman. Or the ex that just won't give up. He's free to date. Free to explore other possibilities. I think I am too. Least, I know I should be. Two way street and all that. I gotta ask him.

Anyway, life is still good. Work is still work. The boy and I will be applying together. And getting an apartment is in the works. With his sister. So I guess we really are great friends. Which for once is truth in advertising.

Things are still up in the air. Whatever's supposed to happen will happen. Right now... I'm just content.

Although, a new toy would work wonders. Oh well.

Oh and... yesterday was the first time we used a toy while having some nooner nookie. Can anyone say multiple orgasms? Yum.

Of Sex Tapes and Scandals

Boy, if that title doesn't jar you, I dunno what will.

Take it easy. I don't have a sex tape. Why would I subject the world to such cruel and unusual punishment? It's bad enough I see myself in the mirror everyday... why make the world suffer along with me?

Plus, it's not really A tape. [insert evil, demented laugh here]

Anyway, last week has been pretty uneventful. Nothing jarring or earth-shattering. No major upheavals. I must've hit an emotional plateau, where everything pretty much levelled off. Or maybe it's the almost-a-year-together-itch. I dunno.

So, for those in the know... the very few of you... Shane and I have sorta made up. Not that we ever broke up or anything. But our situation, what with him living in the US and me here in this godforsaken 3rd world country, it's just next to impossible to maintain a normal, healthy relationship.

Add to the fact that I'm smitten with someone else that's NOT Shane, then you've got one very fucked up emotional sideshow. One that I'm right smack in the middle of.

Shit, I'm too old for this. I should be married with 3 kids, living in a house with a white picket fence, fixing meals for my husband and carpooling the soccer team. But, instead, I'm a single mother with a fiance who lives a bajillion miles away and a boyfriend who is much too young for me. Ay dios mio!

Work. I should just concentrate on work. Work is less complicated. Work has no exes that hang around like rabid dogs waiting for the next piece of rotting meat you throw their way. Work has no lies, no deceptions, no bullshit. You go to work, you get paid. You hate your boss, you can mass email his picture where he's drunk and peed in his pants.

Wow. I guess life really hasn't levelled off like I thought it did.

Shall We?

I was planning on doing a year end thingy just to wrap things up nice and tight but daaaaaamn, that's a lot of work... so, I'mma gonna work on it some more and then post it when it's all done.

I'll be posting the entirety of the year end thingy at the other blog and maybe just post a summary here. Since this blog doesn't have a friends only feature and I have readers here that aren't necessarily friends. I don't want everyone and their brother to be privvy to certain matters.

Speaking of non-friends, the new site meter is wondrous. It gives me a weekly report on how many visits I get a day AND it also gives me the ip address of the person visiting. How cool is that? And seeing as Richard is THE techie of all techies, maybe I can finally solve the Mystery of The Unfriendly Visitor. Well actually, it's already solved. Richard, notwithstanding. I just like rambling on and on about stuff that most people would find boring.

There's this lady, two stations away from me and she's talking to someone over the net. She's all giggly and mushy and flirty, it's so cute. It gives me hope... this long distance love affairs that seem to be working... maybe one day... maybe...

Pipe dreams. Oh well.

I've quit work. Mostly because I'm starting over at another company. Everything's still hush hush so... hush.

My cousin Erica told me that she writes the way she speaks. I guess I do too. Rambling and seemingly without coherence. But for the few people who REALLY listen to me, inside every rant is a valuable, albeit small nugget of vulnerability that is just too darn scared to come out of hiding. Whoosh. I amuse myself way too easily.

So, yeah. I need to go. I've got places to burn and people to turn. Blargh.

Off With Their Heads!

Yesterday, I hung out with my cousin Tina. All we did was gab to our hearts' content and ate to our tummies'. Pigging out is an understatement. It was fun with a capital F. Well... it would've been more fun if my other cousins were there but they all have jobs and lives and crap and.... I miss them.

Anyway, it was refreshing to just loll around the house looking grotty and not care about what other people might think... or upchuck.

Gah, just between you and me and a coupla other readers... I miss not being so effing girly. The long hair, the plucked brows, the prim and proper crap... ARGH! I'd give my soul if I could just go back to being me. I hate growing up. I miss playing ball with my cousins. I miss wrestling with my brother. I miss playing tag football with my guy friends. Ok, it was mostly tag. On some occassions though, we did have a ball with us but it was mostly to hit people on the head with. It was more fun that way.

I digress. I always do. Geez. See this is the reason why I know Dane and I are FATED to be together. We both LOVE to digress. Ahaha! Shit, I crack myself up all the time.

Anyway, yeah... so.... fuck... my train of thought just got thoroughly and properly derailed. Damnit.

Plus I gotta go. Meeting up with a couple of friends from highschool today. I'm gonna bring a ball with me. Just in case the need to hit someone upside the head ever comes up. Hehe.