Two Fwont Teef

Things are still a bit hectic so until I'm finally able to catch my breath...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everybody!

Sibling Nuttery.

I wish I could say this was a "once in a blue moon" thing... unfortunately, we're this nuts every single day since we were born.

Death by Photobooth

Because apparently, I need MORE reasons to feel like an idiot.

Head vs. Wall

What NOT to do while you're in a fight with your girlfriend:

1. Do not come up with reasons and explanations WHILE she's still ranting.  During the heat of the moment, your explanations while valid, will only come off as EXCUSES.  Let her run out of steam, wait for her to calm down and THEN explain yourself.  She's more likely to listen to you and understand your point of view when she's not seeing red.

2. Never point out that she's done the same stupid thing you've done to piss her off.  That's just asking for more trouble.  Again, wait for her to calm down and then point out as nicely as possible that she's expected to follow the same rules she's set for you.  Waiting for the right time may take a while but it's a small price to pay to shorten the fight by days or weeks.

3. Never, under any circumstance, let her see or hear you compliment another woman unless the woman in question is closely related to you by blood.  To do so while you're fighting is monumentally STUPID and insensitive.  Unless of course your objective is to be the biggest jackass in the world to get her to break up with you.  If so, then success is just around the corner.

4. Don't correct her grammar, spelling or typos while fighting.  Don't correct her period.  That will just fuel her anger.  Sometimes letting a woman rant and rave uninterrupted is the fastest way to defuse her anger.

5. Never ever try to calm her down by suggesting anything remotely sexy or naughty in nature.  That will just make her feel cheap and destroy any chance of you ever getting her in bed again.

And lastly but most importantly... NEVER be glib or attempt any tongue in cheek humor while your woman is pouring her heart and soul out to you.  That is totally disrespectful of her feelings.  Not to mention the fact that by taking her feelings lightly, you are validating her fears and insecurities.  And showing her what a complete emotional moron you are.

What TO DO while you're in a fight with your girlfriend.

1. Think BEFORE you say or do anything.  Think long and hard.

2. THINK AGAIN.

Tastes Like Chicken AND Rainbows.

This is the one and only item on my Christmas list.  Yes, I am weird.  Yes, this borders on the macabre.  Yes, there's a huge possibility that I'm never getting this for Christmas.  

But a girl can dream.  And dream she shall.

I was born to own this.  Unicorn meat is MY destiny.