I've fallen and I can't get up.

A lot of things have happened. I'm not quite sure how I've managed to survive the past week or so. I'm not even sure I should even write about it but seeing as how I've written about almost everything, I thought I'd give it a shot.

Basically I've been trying to get well. The phrase "bored to death" is an apt description of my state these last few days. Lotsa things were off limits. I did get visitors. Expected and unexpected.

I am now thoroughly and irrevocably screwed up emotionally. Again! I feel like I've made about a few steps forward and slid a bajillion steps back. Damn you.... you... you... uhm... male uhm... yeah. Sigh.

My toys still haven't arrived. I have no idea where they are. Rotofugi says they've shipped 'em already but USPS says otherwise. Gah.

So, a nice round-up.... I'm physically sick, emotionally screwed and dangerously toy deprived.

Happiness Has Never Been This Gloomy

I'm about to drown in Gloomy Bear goodness. All thanks to Rich. Studmuffin-at-large, all around good guy and world's nicest sweetheart.

Now all I hafta do is wait for my stuff to get here. Patience is something I don't have enough of. This is going to be murder. Oy vey.

Spoiled Rotten.

rich: I think long term it'd be cheaper to fly you to chicago

Well That Was Fun... Not.

Sometimes I speak way too soon and jinx myself.

After a good start to an expected miserable V-day, things took a turn for the hell holy worse around 9:30 p.m.

I was at my friend May's place to visit my little Fortune Cookie (her daughter, Miel) and all of a sudden I started feeling queasy. The back of my neck got all screwy and then BAM! A gargantuan elephant went and sat on my chest.

I begged them to call Mom, then I had them rush me to the emergency room where I spent the next two hours being prodded and pricked.

The ER doctor said that they needed me to stay overnight and that I needed more tests done to rule out anything cardiac because the meds they administered didn't really work.

But because I'm stubborn as a mule, poor as a churchmouse and lily-livered like a lizard, I asked for the waiver, signed it and checked myself out of there.

I'm scared but oh well. You croak when you croak.

Vday Dday.

Just a few things, written on the sly all before I fly...

• Iks, I know you read my blog and I'm so grateful that you do. I read yours too and you make me so proud. It pains me that no one else in the family can write like you... it pains me that you're universes, milky ways, galaxies better than me. But I bear the pain with pride. Hah!
• Rich, I still want a toy. Seriously. And I miss you. I never knew I would. Not this much at least.
• To ip address 125.60.243.*, stop stalking me damnit.
• Ito, you made my Vday crazily happy. Happy happy joy joy.
• Mumble, thank you for being the hippity hoppity fool that you are.
• Ramon, I absolutely, a-so-loo-ly love joo.

End all and be all...

Iced tea and chips with homemade salsa. Life is good.

Wrote a few more stories. I am on a roll people! Went out with Bans. I never knew she could eat like that!

Looking forward to talking on the phone with a boy. Oh boy, oh boy.

Captured. Tagged.

plush. olive green. citronella. jeans. graphic tees. hetfield. maralita. yaga. toys. kidrobot. mother. sock monkeys. littlebony. friend. loyal. fonts. blogs. pistacchio nuts. rawr. irc. vampires. eve dallas. brat. cherry. xmen. cargo pants. havaianas. ami james. love hate. my boys. chocolate chip cookies. rants. risk. tattoos. fudge. wanda. bob ong. flickr. vinylpulse. benicio del toro. se7en. dane cook. knoxville. to kill a mockingbird. kawaii. san-x. horvath. multiply. soul cards. ukay. jars. bags. hobos. tacos. pasta. livejournal. minicoopers. pods. black. brown. bedsheets. ebb and flow. headaches. martin and priest. pet. gabby. nicnivian. boobies. kittencat. shrugs. ninjas. camera phones. ipod. lss. all nighters. iced tea. krispy kreme. ocd. elijah. jemima. melancholy whores. miami ink. zsazsa. west. earthlink. shawnimals. happy meals. corinne bailey rae. dido. chris garver. bobby chinn. lawrence. bogart. lauren. timothy. heartache. shrek. happy feet. pretty woman. jon. ina. kris. dancing. fortune pork. zeebzeeb. isaw. lasagna. yellow cab pizza. glorietta. gateway. thunder disco. starbucks. fresh. chunkyfarflung. ericsson. princess cookie. cj. tyndaris. piper. 24. shane. regret. penguins. seals. clubbing. xoom. uglydolls. love. nyanko. beetles. daisies. deviant art. the wolves. gabbywulf. mini donuts. ponytails. cheese. tomatoes. french kissing. shadowcat. sisters. steve. soleil. aunt. cuppycake. bizu. pjs. monster factory. two chinese boys. kappa maki. moishe. elspeth. cherrypoppedtart. lacy briefs. hooligans. bunny ears. bullets. batteries. photoshop. flash. compupic. joyce. chuck taylor. vans. sepia. gonuts donuts. harleys. ty peddington. extreme makeover. fab 5. andy. arthur. biggest mistake of my life. lenore. ghost world.

Finito.

I started writing again. It was like finally being able to exhale after holding my breath for ages. Of course everything was rocky during the first few minutes. I had to do the introductions all over again.

Pen, meet paper. Paper, this is pen. Be nice to each other so I can
write something that actually makes sense.... pretty please?

It was touch and go for a while. Pen kept skipping, paper folded up and I started crying rivers of tears. I even contemplated putting them back inside my drawer but later decided to just forge on.

So forge on, I did. I wrote until my fingers started cramping. Until the voices in my head quieted down. Until I had to pee.

I wrote a coupla stories and a few essays. The experience was profoundly satisfying. Like sex, only I didn't have to pretend I got off in the end.

Beat that.

Karma's right behind you, bitch. Better run.

Ghosts of Relationships Past

Just what does one do when The Boy of Relationships Past comes a-knockin' on one's door again?

I was rudely awakened by the not so dulcet tones of someone calling my name. I thought I was dreaming and I was starting to REALLY hate my dream when I noticed- fuzzy brained and sleepy as I was- that the voice wasn't about to quit calling my name.

So I did what every warm-blooded woman would do. I went back to sleep. I wasn't about to waste precious time on people who insist on thinking that they can use me when the need arises and then ignore me when some other female lets them wreak havoc between their legs. I'm done with that.

It felt good, I tell ya. It felt damn good. Tsk tsk. Smart exes are really going extinct these days.