Ola. I've tried really hard to ignore this blog and start a new one but for some reason, I just keep coming back to it. Despite the fact that it's chock full of posts that painfully remind me of happier days when things were simple, honest and healthy. I miss those days. I miss not hurting so much. I miss feeling like I'm enough and that I truly matter. Sadly though, I think those days are really long gone.
Maybe, I should just throw everything away the way I'm being casually thrown away. Maybe I should just nut up and accept the cold hard fact that I have outlived my usefulness, I have been replaced and I've stopped mattering. The quicker I learn to accept these things, the quicker I can get on with my life.
I promised myself that I would never go back to being apathetic about how people treat me. I promised myself that I'm going to learn how to graciously allow people to love me for who I am. I've went and done the whole "Bah, so what?" routine and it's gotten me nothing but a few lonely years. And I don't want that again. I thrive around people, around friends. I love sharing jokes, interests and stories with people I care for. I love being there for them when the going gets tough. I love being their shoulder to cry on and I love knowing that when it's my turn to cry, I've got an abundance of dry shoulders to choose from to catch my tears.
Sadly though, that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. I guess I've passed the point of being somebody's shoulder and is now being happily used as their doormat.
People wonder why I have a low opinion of myself when they only need to look at how badly they've been treating me to know.
Empty compliments and untrue declarations of concern do not a real friendship make.
Oh and yeah... I guess I'm back.
