Business as usual.

I don't know how long I can keep this up.  I don't know when I last slept.  I spend the day glued to the TV or forcing myself to read or filling my journal with garbled thoughts.  I didn't realize just how many normal day to day things remind me of him.  I've stripped my room bare of every single thing that would send me into an emotional tailspin and put all of them in a box.   Yesterday, I took the box outside to burn it only to take it inside again, rifle through its contents and fight the urge to bash every single window pane to pieces with my bare hands.  I've pushed everyone I know away because I can't share this with anyone yet... how can I?  How do I begin to tell people that he's moved on and I'm stuck here, broken and confused?  Why can't he feel miserable like me, if only for a little bit?  Why the fuck am I the only one suffering?  How do I start hating someone I've known and loved for so long so I can start living again?  How is this so easy for him?  Why am I the only one mourning?  Why is it so easy for him to stop everything?  I'm on a slow downward spiral to self-destruction and I can't seem to stop.