Oh what fresh hell is this?

I feel the need to vent.  I just don't know where to start.  To be honest, I don't even know what happened.  It's like I woke up and BAM!  Just like that, my whole life was turned upside down. I don't know who to blame, I don't know what to blame them for.  I just know that I'm hurting and alone.  Utterly and completely alone.  How did that happen?  Work has been keeping me busy but today's the last day and I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself the moment I hit send.  Everything, absolutely everything reminds me of the pain.  I can't play my games, I can't read my books... I can't.  God... you'd think I'd be too old to feel like this.  Short of putting everything that serves as a reminder of what I lost inside a box and burning it, I'm not sure what else to do.  To stop all the memories, all the habits formed.  I need to get away but from what?  And where do I go?  How can I get away from the memories?  Doesn't matter who I'm with or what I'm doing, when the memories come, I just crumble and spend the next hour curled up in bed, crying my eyes out.  What the hell is wrong with me?  Surely, I can get over this too, right?  I've done it before... I've fallen in love, gotten hurt and left and I survived.  Fuck.  How do I do it this time?  When the one who left me now is the one who saved me before?  What the fuck do I do now?  God. I'm surrounded by memories.  They're just everywhere.  Inside my head, in my room... my closet, my phone... everyfuckingwhere!  Do I get rid of everything?  Or do I suffer through the memories and hope that someday, they'd be so faded, I won't have a hard time pushing them to the back of my mind where they belong?  When does this end?  I need the pain to end now... not in the future... not way down the road.  NOW.  And the most painful part of all this?  I'm alone in my pain because I'm the only one who lost someone I love.  The realization that all he lost was an unpleasant distraction is killing me.  How do I get over that?  And the next person who tells me there's somebody out there for me will get gutted with a hunting knife.  I need my anger.  I need to feel rage.  I need something to hold on to so I won't keep crumbling and losing it.  I need everything to stop so I can start.  Again.  Without him.  God, kill me now.